There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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