So drunk its hurt
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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