you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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