If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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