the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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