oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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