I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize