Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
