we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
