my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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