so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
