I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize