Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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