i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
