i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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