You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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