Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
