How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
