I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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