Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
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