ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
someone owes me an orgasm
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
