My underwear smells like fireworks.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
