the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize