Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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