You're so nebulous sometimes
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
