i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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