Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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