I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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