i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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