i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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