Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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