Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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