Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I could have mohawked her pubes.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize