He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
