how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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