Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I faked an abortion last night.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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