What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
