there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize