did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize