Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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