my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
