If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
