i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
