I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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