I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
