he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
