nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize