Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
