Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
