sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
