I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
