I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm too high and old for this...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
