p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
