Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Congratulations! We have a period
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
