Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize