Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
