If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
