When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just found puke in my bra..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
