Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
