It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize