well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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