he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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