I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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