I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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