Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
