Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
