Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
