You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
