The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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