What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
