Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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