What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
