Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
