I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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