we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
