PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
