I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize