There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize