i may or may not be watching the land before time
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
