Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Randomize
