I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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