I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
