I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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