my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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