I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
