Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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