well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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