Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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