ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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