All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
