Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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