You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
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