Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize